happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
