That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
