i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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