just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
