im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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