Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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