she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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