Just cropdusted the office
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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