no, he came in my armpit
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
