You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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