I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
