just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
