I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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