I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
