The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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