so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
