I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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