Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
