Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
