4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Holy shit dude........stairs
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