I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
