You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
