he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
