I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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