I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
