New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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