i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think your dad took our porno
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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