I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
