I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
third nipple confirmed
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
