dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
