youre lurking in front of me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I got inside last night via doggy door
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
