What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
porn star boner night. come get it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
