last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
