I'm going to jail i love you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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