State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
