Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
