Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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