I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
