if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
