FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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