I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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