Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
