I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
