I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
