are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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