You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
