Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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