dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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