I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
