You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
