so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
