hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
