Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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