you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
