..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
